Your One True Calling
I’m already all grown up but I still don’t have the answer to the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I envy my little brother - who was then 4 years old - and answered “I want to be a shoeshine boy” No hesitation at all. He knew what he wanted. A shoeshine boy. Not your usual answer of a doctor, lawyer, fireman, police, teacher - but hey, at least he knew what he wanted. While, I on the other hand dread being asked this question. When pushed for an answer, I’d reply with “a lot of things” but I was told to pick only one thing. But I just couldn’t. I still have no answer for this question. It’s not because I hold no interest in anything at all. In fact, the opposite is true. I have so many interests and I pursue these interests until I get bored of them and then I start looking for that one exciting thing again, dive into it and then once again, after getting good at it, I’ll get bored and on and on the cycle went. For a time, I thought I really wanted to be a tennis player. In 4th grade, I saw Steffi Graf on TV playing tennis and I told myself, I can hit balls like her too. And just by watching her for a few minutes, I was able to apply her movements and strokes, and that’s how I learned how to play tennis and started training. And so for a brief moment, I was happy that I finally had an answer to the question “what do you want to be when you grow up”. I did not dread the question anymore. I have my answer. A tennis player. But I got bored of that too. And as I was growing older, I started thinking I am so going to be screwed because I can’t stick and commit to one thing. While most of my friends were pursuing this one path towards their chosen career, I was jumping from one thing to another. But in retrospect, I was also gaining experience and skills that will eventually be useful for my future endeavors. I wish I had known earlier on that I did not have to pick just one interest. That it is not wrong to follow your curiosity and creative pursuits. I would have saved myself from a lot of anxiety. I feel like when I say that I want to be only this one thing - I am limiting myself and nipping my potentials. I want to be ALL that I can be. That, I think is my one true calling.